apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
