She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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