my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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