Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
