U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
