You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
