so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
