I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The Olympian is in my bed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
