I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
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When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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