The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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