so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
