the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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