You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
