ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
