woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
