you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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