your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
