apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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