No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
