He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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