Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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