Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
