Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
time to smoke my breakfast
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
