you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
