it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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