dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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