my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I forget how to act sober
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