Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I need moral support for this bender
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
