i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
