the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
