Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
