Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
