Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
