I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
