I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
