i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
