that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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