somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
