Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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