That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ugly people sure do ruin things
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
