Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
try to milk me bitch
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