You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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