Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
