so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
