i already hear my dad disowning me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
