By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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