what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
