I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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