I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I checked into jail on foursquare
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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