Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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