I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
