i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
