no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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