i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
