He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
